Trek Date – Before getting Married

A guy ready to marry and a lot of questions.

  1. How would be my wife
  2. Will she be good in marriage
  3. will we be like friends or Husband Wife?
  4. How will she react to life, daily

And lot more questions of same nature. So told my parents clearly that i will have atleast 5-6 meetings with her in person to understand her. To which my mom said yes (confused, thinking what will she say to the parents of girl). My dad, just ignored and carried on with his news!

And I came to my desk, started surfing and came to this wonderful article on Trek Date.

Most couples who are thinking of getting married waste an enormous amount of time dating each other over expensive cups of coffee in the hope that they’ll get to know each other better.

I have bad news for you. You won’t.

In an artificial setting like a coffee shop, restaurant or a park, you only talk. Yet, we spend most of our married life doing things – making breakfast, going to office, sending the kids to school. And in doing these ordinary tasks we display our love, respect and consideration towards one other. It cements our bond and our marriage becomes stronger.
Trek Date
A trek date is an excellent way to check if your partner possesses qualities to make a marriage work. On a long trek – preferably over 5-6 days – the mask of the city wears off quickly and the real person surfaces. It makes sense to keenly observe this real person.
Here are a few points for you to observe:
  1. Is your partner capable of sticking to the discipline of a trek? A trek requires discipline in schedule, preparation and routine. So does life.
  2. Does your partner complain? A Himalayan trek is not easy. If your partner finds fault with things – from the difficulty of the terrain, to the quality of food; to the conditions of your tent, to the transport used, your partner is a whiner. If you have a complaining partner your life is going to be similar.
  3. Does your partner cooperate? Like a trek, life is a series of cooperation – at home and work. If your partner cooperates with most situations it speaks of a healthy mind and heart. Check if your partner volunteers for cooperative activities that does not directly benefit themselves, say in arranging the tent or packing  sleeping bags or getting tea for others. The more cooperative the partner the safer is your future.
  4. Does your partner make the best of situations? On a trek times will come when things go out of control. What does your partner do in such situations? Show frustration and complain or try to make the best of the situation? You need a life partner who can deal with bad situations in a cool and composed manner. A dose of humor is a bonus.
  5. Does your partner mingle and mix? When at camp does your partner spend time talking with others and learning from them or does your partner like to be alone or sticks to you. All of us like to be left alone at times – but mingling with others is part of our social world. Partners who stick to you al the time in an outdoor situation will either be a pain later or is faking it.
  6. Does your partner show consideration to the world? Does your partner pick up fallen chocolate wrappers on the trek? Does your partner have a kind word and gesture towards the guides and porters? Does your partner spend time with a trekker who is down? A considerate partner is far more important in life than a loving partner.
  7. Does your partner ask people (however sweetly) to get things like tea, warm water, or dinner? It takes an effort to head to the kitchen for these things – but it also shows a human being who is self sufficient – someone who doesn’t order people around. A partner who orders is a menace for the future.
I hope these pointers will help you choose your partner wisely. Going on a “Trek Date” is a new way of seeing the most important person in your life.
Trek Dates are becoming increasingly popular among the urban youth. It is easy to see why. Trek Dates help unmarried young men and women find life partners. They get to meet prospective partners and also check their compatibility in real life situations – something modern coffee shops don’t allow.
Isn’t it interesting?? Whats your opinion??

FINDING AND MARRYING A PARTNER FOR LIFE

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound “not politically correct“, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone“; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious aboutfinding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
 
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
 
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your significant other: What do
they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to knowthat before walking down the aisle.
 
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is theability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another personpleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as  well.
 
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully accept this person
the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble or in a mess because you didn’t do your homework. Do you ?

Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama/ fake or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you or just time pass?
 

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of
your life.
 
An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye”; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.

Never waste your time on a person who tries to  fool around / or mess with you.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace. 
 

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