HAPPY B”DAY MOM!!  (I am still searching Google for the best words to describe you)

Incidentally Amitabh Bachchan’s Mom Mrs. Teji Bachchan’s B’day is also on 12th Aug. He posted this in his blog, n I totally agree!!

She gave me strength when I had lost and fallen. Gave me hope and courage when I was covered in the dust of adversity. Every whack that she bestowed upon my face or hands were not one of anger and resentment, it was an expression of her overwhelming love and concern for me. She gave me style and dignity. She taught me grace and forgiveness. She educated me on the value of my surname. She directed her anger at me when I erred, not because I had erred, but because ‘how could you have erred’. It was almost an anger that took personal responsibility of a mistake done by the other. We all know that the welcome embrace of a friend, a beloved, a senior, an elder is always filled with that special feeling, a sensation we enjoy and relish and feel comfortable with, but we also know that when we put our head by the side of the Mother, or resign our body into the gentleness of her lap, nothing in the world compared or equalled that feeling.

Blessed are they that have felt the presence of a Mother in their lives. Blessed are they that have lent on her for support and succor. Blessed are they that grew fearlessly under the love and affection of the Mother. Blessed are they that had opportunity to get their tears wiped off, by an honest loving companion of confidence in their lives. Blessed are they that were fed by the most gracious hands on food that never tasted better. Blessed are they who had the good fortune of a Mother’s hand on their forehead and the consoling touch of her fingers through their hair. Blessed are they who knew their Mothers knew what no body else would ever know about them, without speaking a word. Blessed are they that could turn to their Mother for decision and opinion on the most complex issues, knowing that the simplicity of her response would be most pragmatic and correct. Blessed are they that could confide to their Mother  and know that it would never go out. Blessed are they that knew that when every door was shut in their face, there was one door that would always remain open for them. Blessed are they that had a Mother ~

LOVE YOU AMMA!!

Do destructive qualities help to build the Man that sees him through? Do so called negative traits form the fortress that keeps harmful agents at bay and allow a focused man to get on with his mission? It is a fact that men are equipped with the armory to fight Evil – Physically constructed to withstand harsh conditions, loud and somewhat abrasive voices and logical minds permanently set in problem-solving modes. These qualities topped with natural streaks of suspicion, arrogance, aggressiveness, secrecy, anger, self-centeredness, and coldness, help men to identify with the Enemy and deal with Crime accordingly. It is due to this that the greatest Justice Deliverers have been men as have been the Evicted. But what happens when the men that we respect and seek to be around and be influenced by disappoint us, leaving us crestfallen and shaking our heads?

All marvel at a Man with Power! We are even willing to overlook their eccentricities and shortcomings in the bargain. When a man sits comfortably on the highest point of his success graph, the world is at his feet. Little does this admiring world realize or they do, but don’t openly accept it, that the methods that he utilized to get up there, employed Playing A Highly Strategic and Manipulative Game and more importantly, Winning It… All the way!

Immense success comes at a price. All those who have paid it are aware. In some cases this cost is in the form of compromise in personal values and priorities; in others it extends to affect those around him. For most of the lucky winners, they are no delusional ideas about life and its cruel ways. They are prepared and get into it full throttle. They thrive on competition and crush it with glee. Their aim is to conquer and most will go to any extent for it. They can cheat, confuse, dominate, and strike when the time is right. And they do it with pizzazz.

Successful men can be spotted in most social circles and gatherings. They are the ones who dress impeccably, flaunt the latest gizmos, mingle with the right people and give off an aura like no other. Their conversation engages the ones that matter yet, impressing the ones who don’t. They appear dependable though egoistic, brash though skilful. They charm and seem involved, but are fashionably aloof. All in all, they are not afraid to take risks and we believe in them.

These… Ladies and Gentlemen, are Victorious Con Men whom we are drawn towards and aspire to be associated with.

So where does that leave the average Joe – a good man at heart, with virtues of kindness, empathy and trust. Where is his place in a fast-paced, cut-throat environment? Well, not here… as there is no place here for the Hurt and Withdrawn.

If there’s one variety of man’kind’ that women are repelled by, it would have to be a pathetic, whining disillusioned adult male. Yet, if one asks a woman which qualities they seek in their men, it’s always humor (yeah, everyone likes a funny guy!), sensitivity and security, necessarily in that order. But when a dashing, overpowering con man woos her, she just cannot resist… He may not crack the most hilarious one-liners nor is he able to show a remote sign of softness. Yet, she swoons! Does that mean that we are Slaves to the Sinner or is it again just Plain Hypocrisy?

When men in high places let us down we are quick to judge as, of course, what he did was wrong…there’s no doubt about it. But is it so unbelievable? It shouldn’t be. When the young Gandhi spoke (or was duped and dubbed!) against the legendary Gandhi, we were shocked and disgusted but does offering the other cheek and the like really work in today’s world? Where does honesty stop and manipulation begin? Can one be successful and be good at the same time?

Exceptional results can only be achieved through taking the biggest of risks. Where there is Risk, there is the obvious chance of Loss.  The very qualities that take certain men to the position of Power and Envy are the ones that cause their downfall. Had they not possessed exceptional traits, they would have never got to the point where the risks were that high. So, the question remains… is it better to be good than jeopardize oneself and others around by being bad?

Well the best of the con brigade including our own Raju Ramalingam or the legendary Charles Sobhraj, Frank Abagnale Jr, Charles Ponzi et al didn’t believe so…

The truth is that not every man can be Bad and Successful. It is a lot easier to be good. It’s safer and it doesn’t require risk taking, talent, compromises or long hours. Great achievers are rare and unless one is pretty sure their deeds are destined to go down in the annals of history, they shouldn’t bother making the effort.  Wannabe con men are easier to detect than the real ones! So for the majority of us, it’s preferable to be labeled Nice than a Loser.  If one has it in them to make it big as a nation altering politician, he/she should know what to say and when, as one of the most important aspects of being a successful (con) man is TIMING. But fortunately for most, the time is never right!

Relatively guarded lives however allow Good Guys to see their responsibilities through and are therefore more dependable. The risks they take are more calculated and their lives spent dwelling rather far fromthe edge, allow for dealing with the unnatural ups and rather de-motivating downs of life much better. A surplus of good qualities may not have their place in a competitive field, but they are more than welcome to most women, who these days, expect their men to spend time, communicating and bonding with her and other close ones. So though the Good Guys may come in last, they do arrive intact and with lesser damage.

All said and done, a good, decent and predictable boy is by far a less stressful option when introducing to the parents! There are no surprises and all goes as planned. And no parents really want their future son-in-law to be a potential Scamster or Serial Killer, even though their starry eyed daughter considers him to the centre of the Universe…

Note:  This write-up has been authored by  Barkha Prabhakar, who is a Guest Author  at umennet.wordpress.com.

Most men are okay experimenting before they get hitched, but they prefer if their woman is untouched - Munira Chendvanker

I had been the “easy” one among my friends. I was the one who got kissed first, and couldn’t quite understand what was taboo about “making out”. My friends teased me about my long list of boyfriends. But it was okay. I tried things at my own pace, except when it came to sex.

I was a virgin when I got married, and if I ever tell them, they’d raise an eyebrow. I went from being easy to stupid, in a span of three years. Suddenly, experimenting was the right thing to do. What if you got married to someone you weren’t sexually compatible with, my friends would’ve argued?

She’ll wait till she’s comfortable

Munira Chendvankar, a second year Bachelors of Mass Media student at KC College, was only expressing her opinion among friends over coffee, when the “I want to wait till I’m married” line silenced the rest. “They were surprised. I don’t know what the big deal is, though. Sex is
hype. I want to wait because I want to be comfortable with the guy I share my body with.

And that, I believe, will happen only once I marry,” says the 18 year-old, who hasn’t been in a relationship, and says she will date a man who respects her decision. Munira’s
parents, who she shares a close bond with, trust her. “They’ve told me never to cross the line. I don’t want to break their trust. Love is more important than lust, anyway.”

Munira is an anachronism

The crowd she hangs out with, the lifestyle they lead, luxuries they enjoy, make for a setting where sexual freedom would be permissible. Munira’s classmate Priyanka Vohra, 18, stands at the other end of the spectrum, saying it depends on the relationship and individual. “Why is sex before marriage seen as wrong? It’s pretty obvious that everyone is doing it,” she shrugs.

Marriage is boring

TV anchor Suprita Mitter, 24, has a boyfriend, but insists she’s going to wait to get married to pop her cherry. “Marriage is so boring. If we had sex before marriage, we’d take away the most exciting bit of being married.” Besides, Suprita stresses, the consequences can be complicated for a woman.

Abortions are routine

Unwanted pregnancies are on the rise in India, but it’s Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) that are raising an alarm among gynaecologists. Dr Rishma Dhillon Pai, Consultant at Lilavati and Jaslok Hospitals, reveals she’s been conducting almost 25 abortions a month. “What’s
worrisome is the attitude youngsters display. Most of them think it’s all okay.” The girls are usually aged 19 to 25, and belong to the city’s elite.

Society, religion dissuade some

The city’s psychologists believe the reasons for shying away from sex, could be many. With our conservative sensibilities, most Indians aren’t comfortable with their body, raising the fear of rejection, when exposed. Psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany says, “I’ve also encountered some who are fiercely career driven. Sex complicates a relationship. They don’t have time for extra baggage.”

For others, it has to do with morals and religion. Dr Rahul Ghadge, psychiatrist with Bafna
Polyclinic tells you how “wrong” is considered a synonym for sex, since some religions stress on celibacy before marriage, and frown on contraception. “Some youngsters may feel sexual freedom before marriage is not in keeping with societal norms. There is this notion of turning ‘second hand’ if you’ve lost your virginity,” he says.

Tell the world how you lost it

If losing your virginity was one of the best things that happened to you, why not share the experience? And if it wasn’t, you can still share it, provided you have the b*lls. The Virginity Project is a blog where readers are invited to share experiences about losing their virginity. If you aren’t bold enough to post, you can always read, right? Log on to http://www.virginityproject.typepad.com

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound “not politically correct“, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone“; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious aboutfinding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
 
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
 
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your significant other: What do
they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to knowthat before walking down the aisle.
 
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is theability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another personpleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as  well.
 
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully accept this person
the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble or in a mess because you didn’t do your homework. Do you ?

Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama/ fake or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you or just time pass?
 

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of
your life.
 
An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye”; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.

Never waste your time on a person who tries to  fool around / or mess with you.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace. 
 

Your name is the sweetest word for me…
You are the first thing I think about when I wake up.
The last thing I think about before I go to sleep..
I am energized when thinking of you…
I hear your voice repeatedly…
and now I am not new to this…
A beautiful rush of my heart strings…
A smile that comes to my face when I see you..
Your smile which makes me to think are you smiling cos of me…
My laugh when i listen something funny from you..
You are gentle and soft to my ears..
I think of you…
And my fingertips no longer belong to me…
My face tingles…
My body becomes aware of you…
The world slows with you…
You stand behind me…
With your hands in mine…
Holding forever…
The wind from your side touching my face…
like Running your fingers through my hair…
My every look sees you, wants to see you…
my every step is a step closer to you…
You make me want to be a better person…
I love writing this to you…
Say everything I really feel…
No humor…
Letting feelings flow through my body…
and into my fingers…
My mind opens to your wonderful place…
A dream with you in it…
Becoming wide awake and full of intoxication of you…
I want to say your name over and over…
As if every time I say it…
You are closer to me…
You are already here…
In my heart…
In my mind…
In my soul…
My body is quenched by you…
I hold the thought of your voice…
in my head…
As if it were my best friend…
Then…
I am released from my confinement…
I roam through planets..
And stars…
I walk through the ocean sand with you…
I sing songs to you…
And with you…
You fill me…
 
Did u know all these….

I don’t remember the moment our friendship had changed into something else. It was not a sudden transition like the soft breeze turning into a howling wind.Not even that of the pleasant drizzling transformed into a harsh thunderstorms, It was quite vague, rather!

It might have started when I had missed talking to you for the first time…It might have happened when you had said something as though you had had the ownership rights over me…It could have occurred when I had dialled your number anticipating the pleasure of hearing your voice at the very first moment…It could even have started when you had called me up, hurt and bleeding in your heart, sharing your wounds with me and wanting to get the solace from me…It could have happened in a million other ways and it had happened!

We were just sharing…we were sharing the finer details on our family, friends and that of our work life! We were sharing the comfortability of being the people of the same age group.We were sharing the hardships, happiness and that of innumerable ups and downs of our respective lives! We were sharing the day to day activities that take us thru the sunrise till the sunset! We were just sharing…

It was so comfortable being together with you, chatting, talking, meeting, But essentially we had felt all alone together in the middle of all these happenings! There was this contentment of just being together with you. There was this huge safety zone of liking and understanding each other. It was so easy being with you that I could always complete what you had wanted to say. And amazingly most of the time, you did the same thing…

but by the end of all these, I shall be with my family. And you shall be with your own family.

You were an ordinary person, just like I was! Not spectacularly outstanding!  You were just you, an ordinary person, just like I was just I, an ordinary person…You were running around within your own circle, created by you for you, your family and for your friends, much like I was running within my own circle all thro my life…

Somehow, we had met and became good friends. It was as though we had been destined to meet and become good friends…Talking to you was as easy and as comfortable as though sliding over the ice sheet…May be this was the connection of the soul, may be this was something more beyond that! It had amazed me when I had realized that I had let go of thousands of people in all these years of my life and had just chosen you to be my best friend…It was as though unconsciously I was waiting for your arrival for a very long time now…

I had met you just a couple of times in all these months…Because meeting in direct contact with each other was very rare for us.You were living at one corner of the world and I was at the other corner of the world! We had met on a few rare occasions, which have been engraved in my heart!

Still, we had kept in touch on a daily basis…The trust I had had on you was something the most spectacular to me! It was amazing as though there was nothing I couldn’t share with you… You were accommodating, understanding and were always there to listen to my stupid thoughts…

When I had heard your voice, it was as though I had felt the peace and calm descending on me simultaneously! I had felt so happy that I could feel my entire body relaxing from head to toe…You had such a wonderful voice, soothing, teasing and being very nice to listen to…On your part, you had shared with me your daily life and living…the hurts, an occasional insult and the ups and downs of your day to day happenings…

I had felt sympathized with you, enraged at the audacity of the people to hurt or insult you…I just couldn’t stand if someone had uttered even a single word against you!

But then,

It shall be tough for both of us to get out of the whole history of our life time.I wouldn’t know what I shall do without my people.I know you wouldn’t betray the trust of your people either! But still, I long for you with such a longing which frightens my whole being. There are no visible chains that bound me. But still, there are stronger invisible chains that won’t even budge if I want to move off…

Why did I ever meet you?

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